Finding My Way

Tags

Career, depression, inspiration, Law School, Life change, self improvement, writing

I am now in my third year of law school and I have found my path. I want to be a prosecutor.  I feel so alive and passionate about the work and I have never felt that excitement for a career, ever.

Professionally, I have grown with each step. It’s exciting to see the doors that are opening.  However, personally I am struggling.  I struggle with feeling alone now.  I don’t really have anyone to share anything with. People in my life are just not excited about the law like I am. I can’t blame them. I try to share my excitement, but no one really wants to hear it. I am boring to them now. They’re happy for me as long as I don’t interject too much of my reality into their lives. I can’t help it. It’s what I am passionate about at the moment and I want to share with someone.  My best friend who used to talk to me about everything disappeared. The more success I find professionally the less I see or hear from my friends.

I need to power through to other side and make new friends. It just makes me sad and has been a little hard on me. I thought it might help to write about my feelings.

Boring, but I am still doing it …

Tags

5k, law, Law School, Running

It must be a year since I last updated?  I was reading back on my last post and I had forgotten some of the specifics of my first exam.  It was fun to read back what I was feeling inspiring me to update my journey.

I am now successfully in my second year of law school!  I still love it.  I was disappointed in one of my classes – Torts.  Man, I studied my ass off for the class.  I slacked a little on my contracts and criminal procedure studying in order to give myself more time for torts.  What happened?  I passed criminal procedure with my highest grade to date, and contracts I passed.  Contracts is a pretty hard subject for most in law school anyways, but I knew I would pass it.  I probably should have focused harder on the two subjects I was better at and aim for a higher grade and just focus on a pass with torts.  The extra time I put in for torts didn’t improve my final grade at all.  What a bummer.  I cried for two days.

After meeting with the Professor and discussing my paper I came to terms with it.  I don’t agree completely with the grade, but I do admit it was better organized in my head than how it actually came out on the paper.  I passed.  I have this semester to aim higher.

I have been saying since I started law school I don’t want to do criminal law.  I am too sensitive for it, yet criminal law and criminal procedure are now my top scores.  My second job deals with juvenile offenders, and I seriously try in my short time I am with them to get through as best I can and hope to steer a few away from a troubled path.  This opportunity is branching out and I will be taking on more hours working in two probation departments now.  I am not saying where I won’t end up now … I just need to wait and see where it takes me.

Immigration law might be a good compromise for me.  It’s a mix of some criminal law and constitutional law.  I always loved anything to do with our constitution since the 8th grade and I had to memorize the preamble (which I still have memorized – my party trick).  We’ll see.

I have signed up for another 5k finally!  I am running the 5k that began this journey for me.  I have managed to lose 20 lbs with a lot of walking in between work and classes.  I think I am beginning to find a balance! To be continued …

 

Updating My Blog !

It has been a while since I last updated my blog.  I haven’t done any running.  I have barely managed time to walk.  It’s crazy since starting law school.

I work basically full time.  I started a second job which has brought me closer to a full time status.  I wasn’t looking to take a second a job, it kind of found me and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

I began volunteering at a Victim Offender Mediation Program for Juvenile first time offenders.  Many of these kids come from inner city, lower income homes and are trying to find their way.  For a first time offense its a beneficial program to help them not get caught up in a system that might be otherwise hard to get out of and start with a clean slate.  We have them write a resume.  What do you plan for your future?  Many of these kids haven’t thought much about it, or have a detailed description of what they want to do.  Either way, it helps for them to think about the steps they need to take to get there.  What does it look like?  How is getting into trouble with the law get in the way of that vision?  They do some community service hours and write an apology letter, and the parent needs to be involved as well.  I was then offered a paid position to continue, and I agreed.

I am almost done with my first year of law school. I am exhausted.  Because Torts and Contracts are both year long classes we have a mid-term coming up in December.  I have been studying Contracts every chance I get.  I spend 8 hours at school on Saturdays working with a study group and tutors to glean any information I can or any opportunity offered.  There are so many moving parts in Contracts that it can be overwhelming learning the concepts.  I feel like I am going to fine.  I am putting the work in.  Torts on the other hand… it seems much easier, but I need to realize I can’t assume that it will be.  I haven’t been giving it the same amount of attention, and I know that.  I haven’t ignored it either, but I definitely have been giving Contracts much more of my time. I am going to need to start dividing it more evenly.

I have met so many great people.  I love the conversations we have, and how kind and helpful everyone has been that I meet.  I am so happy going to law school.  I am so lucky I have the opportunity, and I never lose sight of that.  I ope by my second year I will be able to incorporate exercise more regularly into my routine again…

I Passed!

Just a quick update; I passed everything.  I actually scored pretty darn good in my Criminal Law class!  Woo hoo!  Taking an international law class this summer which is where my interest is…  Will post more later!  😉

Finals are Done!

Tags

1L, finals, law, Law School

Finals are done!  I think I did OK.  I felt good when I left my criminal law exam, until I started listening to my classmates.  I found everyone after the exam began second guessing, and picking the exam apart.  Where at one point I was almost skipping out of the exam thinking I handled it much better than I anticipated–to questioning my choices, and realizing I had forgotten to mention the “apparent safety doctrine.”

One hour is not a lot of time to have for complete analysis of a hypothetical scenario.  I kept remembering what a few attorney’s at work advised me, “don’t spend too much time on one essay.  Allow “x” amount of time and when it’s up…move on.”  I knew that not completing the test was far worse than missing a few items.  I didn’t miss any major issues, and I did manage to define almost every single definition, and finish with a few minutes to spare.

I keep telling myself that a model answer is just that.. the ideal answer almost perfect.  I wish to reach that level.  But, it was my first test and in all honesty I think I did about 75% of the model answer.  At least I hope I argued my view of the crime sufficiently if it differs from his.  He said it doesn’t matter if we disagree with him, as long as we recognize the issue and argue our point of view.  I have to wait now two weeks for the results.  Ughhh!!!  I wish I hadn’t listened to the others.  I know now why I like to be alone.  I don’t need any negative energy in my head.  I feel confident about what I am doing.  I studied like I was supposed to.  I need to trust that.  I do.  I am starting a first time juvenile offender mediation program this week.  I am excited about trying to make a difference in kids who are at a fork in the road, and hope to help somehow keep them from choosing a path that leads to the criminal justice system.

I have to socialize with others, because its impolite not to.  But, I really don’t want to.  I wish my class was larger so I could just do my own thing and not have to bother being social with anyone.

I started back doing light jogs.  I am averaging about 6 miles a week.  Nothing major.  But, I have to say my head does feel clearer and emotionally I am stronger when I exercise.  I think emotionally I am just trying to transition everything and manage it.  I have a light load this summer and hope I am able to keep up the running a bit more.

Almost Finals…

I am totally procrastinating doing my homework right now.  I decided to give my brain something different to write about and update my blog!  School is going great.  Sure, it’s hard work.  But,it doesn’t really feel like work to me.  I am enjoying it.  Even when my mind feels like pudding and I don’t think I can remember one more thing- I still love it.

I found that I particularly like Criminal Law at the moment.  I think everyone does at some point.  It seems to epitomize what we are conditioned to think of when someone says the word Lawyer.  I didn’t think I would enjoy it as I am a highly sensitive person.  I have trouble dealing with the dark side of life that exists.  The weird thing is I can handle hearing about murder and the circumstances surrounding the crime.  I can handle rape; we  finished that topic before spring break.  I can handle most things associated with criminal law, as long as none of it involves children.  I can’t do it.

I think my criminal law professor is a legal rock star.  He completely gets it when I told him how hard it is for me to read the cases assigned involving terrible crimes against children in our homicide chapters.  It seems many of them involve children in at least one example of everything we cover.  I realize now its by design.  Children are supposed to be our jewels and protected.  It emotionally causes many people to act from a place of passion.  I have to try and see beyond the emotional rage or sadness and see the reasoning of why the law was applied the way it was.  I don’t always agree.  But, many of the cases we read are really hard to call cases and not of the norm.  But, it teaches us to see the reasoning of the case law that proceeded before it and how the legal rule applies.

Our legal system is really quite fascinating and wonderful.  Even though sometimes the bad guy gets away.

What I was getting at before I digressed… my professor let me skip one of the horrible ones.  He took over my brief and discussed it without me having to go”there”.  He is very respectful and told me basically there is no shortage of calloused attorney’s in the word, and I can take my time trying to get through some of those.  He also has given me a gift of seeing things in a different perspective.  He can explain things in a way that is completely mesmerizing.  He has a way of helping me see that sometimes good people do bad things.  It’s better to not falsely imprison one innocent man if it means letting a few bad ones go.  I get it.  I do.

I love all the professors I have.  I think they’re all super talented teachers and I am getting the education I was hoping for.

I try really hard.  I honestly make a tremendous effort to be the best student I can be.  I know I am putting the time and effort in.  I don’t want to be a half assed attorney.  I want to be a great attorney.  I am trying to take everything in.  It doesn’t guarantee I will test well on the final.  However, It won’t be because I wasn’t prepared.

I hope I can break all my issues and rules down to the level they need to be dissected and explained on the hypothetical.  However, in knowing that- I don’t think I will let that happen.

I have always wanted to be top of my class in anything I have pursued.  If I speak up too much people view you as a pain in the ass.  But, I have always been pretty self assured and trust my inner compass.  It’s my education.  I can’t worry what others think of me.  I am respectful and mindful to not take away a learning opportunity from anyone else.  I know the balance.  However, I also know if I am not sure of something I need to ask.  I want to be good not average. I have found I don’t really want to study with anyone.  I am happier studying alone. So, that is the update if anyone was wondering.  If not, no worries writing is so therapeutic.  I definitely do this more for me anyways.  🙂

I will post again after finals.  I am already looking forward to next semester!

 

 

 

My 26.2

Tags

26.2, half marathon, inspiration, law, Law School, marathon, Rua, Running

I have been M.I.A. from my blog for 7 months my stats tell me.  I haven’t been running except the odd mile or two once in a while.  It’s so bizarre, because at one time I was so passionate and happy to doing it.  I admit I was in the best shape I had been in a while, but it lost its loving feeling for me, unfortunately.  However, I do give running credit for motivating me and quite honestly giving me the confidence to go back to school.  I even used finishing my two half marathons in my personal statement when I applied to law school.

Training and finishing the two half marathons in 2014 taught me how to power through mentally.  When I took on the goal of completing a half marathon it was completely foreign and totally out of my comfort zone.  I can honestly say it was never something I thought I’d hear myself say out loud, “I just signed up for a half marathon!”  Going to law school was. I have always wanted to be a Lawyer.

Everything happens in the way it’s supposed to I reckon.  I needed to know what it feels like to not quit.  I had to show myself I do know how to cross a finish line.  I didn’t finish the half marathons in an impressive time, but I finished, and that was the lesson I needed.  To know how it feels when something is hard, and challenging in ways I would never expect, yet the rewarding life lesson that I can do it.  The half marathon was my training for law school, and now law school will be my 26.2!  I start Tuesday.  I know its going to have its own challenges and at times I will have to power through, but I will remember to breath and keep my eye on the finish line; this is my marathon.

Dublin, Ireland AND a 10 K !

Tags

10k, Dublin, goals, Ireland, Plantar Fasciitis, Running, visualization

I set my first goal in about a year.  I signed up a for a 10K in Dublin, Ireland next month.  What’s funny is when I started this blog 2 years ago my goal was to run the London 10k.  This is close! Funny how when you put something out into the Universe it seems to come to realization.  It might not be right away, but many times I can trace back to the exact moment I visualized it.  My next visualization is Law School graduation in 4 years….  We’ll revisit that.. ha ha..

After a year of trying to heal my foot.. I FINALLY feel like its better.  After the second cortisone shot with stretching and massaging the foot with a golf ball that seemed to do the trick.

The podiatrist gave me the green light to run again, and I am taking it very slow building the feet endurance back up.  This week I am running 2 miles at a time 3x with a bit of cross training mixed in.  This mornings 2 miles felt good.  No lingering foot pain afterwards.  If everything keeps up as it’s been going I am not worried about being ready for the 10k next month.  I will be up to it.

I am looking forward to a new race in a different country to keep things exciting.  It’s a chip timed race which I love. But- it didn’t ask for a shirt size.  I am assuming there isn’t a shirt involved which is a bummer.  Anyways, the race is the Duleek 10k just outside of Dublin, Ireland.  I can’t wait for my trip!

Watch “AMBITION – MOTIVATIONAL VIDEO 2015 (feat Les Brown,Eric Thomas,Will Smith)” on YouTube

Tags

goals, Law School, motivation, success

I watch these videos and follow Eric Thomas on Facebook and YouTube to keep me motivated in following my dream. It reminds me why I am starting and where I am going.  We all have it in us.  It’s just a matter of going after it.  I am not afraid to go after it.. 

A New Journey

Tags

accomplishment, commitment, confidence, encouragement, goals, Journey, Law School, Ruaca, Running

“We cannot wait at our point of origin and hope that illumination will find us.  We must take the first step, and only then will the path begin to unfold before us. ―Kim Huggens, Tarot Illuminati

“Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

I haven’t blogged in a while.  I haven’t done anything in a while.  In the last few years I have filled my life with goals and achievements that were extremely foreign to me. Goals I never would have ever thought I was capable of.  In a way I like to think everything I have been doing has lead me to what I am about to do.  I am going back to Law School.

Law School is all I have ever wanted to do. It’s a huge undertaking and for one reason or another I haven’t been able to really go after it.  In a way it’s probably why I started setting my goals on things that were hard for me to do.. like running a half-marathon.  I have been extremely unfulfilled.  I haven’t had the mental stimulation or challenging situations in my career life, so I created something to give me that passion for something I was craving.

Running did that.  I was so fired up with this goal to focus on I even started a blog!  It has given me what I needed to help show me the way.  When I finished my first 5k I remember crying with pride.  That was a huge accomplishment for me.  When I finished my first 10k in the time I set for myself, again I was thrilled.   I remember while running that 6.2 miles thinking to myself at mile 5, “How will I ever do 13.1?”  It felt that hard.  But, I did.  I finished two half marathons -granted not in the time I wanted, but I finished.  I went the distance.

All of this showed me I am capable of doing something if I set my mind to it.  I can go the distance.

I needed to prove to myself I can do things that are hard.  I know what its like to cross a finish line.  Those were important lessons for me.  I let the self-doubt voices in my head sometimes talk to loud.  It’s not that I don’t think I am intelligent enough to handle Law School.  I feel confident I most certainly am.  My fear is going the distance.

I have to work during the day.  I don’t want to carry student debt, so I will go to night Law School.  At my age, the dream of working for Google, or some high-fluting fancy establishment that cares what top tier school one goes to is not realistic.  It’s not worth carrying over $100,000 debt to compete with 30 something year old’s who need that high profile position to pay for that kind of student debt.  I am starting too late in the game for that scenario–which is another reason I knew I had to go for it.  Once I hit my 40’s I realized time is not a luxury I have to make everything happen.  I need to act on it, or live with it.  I will regret it if I don’t go for my dream.  I have to try.

I am happy to have the opportunity to attend a school that will qualify me to sit for the California State Bar- pass and then figure out what I want to do when I get to that bridge.  We’ll see when I get there.  For right now I am focusing on one mile at a time…