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“We cannot wait at our point of origin and hope that illumination will find us.  We must take the first step, and only then will the path begin to unfold before us. Kim Huggens, Tarot Illuminati

“Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.”
Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

I haven’t blogged in a while.  I haven’t done anything in a while.  In the last few years I have filled my life with goals and achievements that were extremely foreign to me. Goals I never would have ever thought I was capable of.  In a way I like to think everything I have been doing has lead me to what I am about to do.  I am going back to Law School.

Law School is all I have ever wanted to do. It’s a huge undertaking and for one reason or another I haven’t been able to really go after it.  In a way it’s probably why I started setting my goals on things that were hard for me to do.. like running a half-marathon.  I have been extremely unfulfilled.  I haven’t had the mental stimulation or challenging situations in my career life, so I created something to give me that passion for something I was craving.

Running did that.  I was so fired up with this goal to focus on I even started a blog!  It has given me what I needed to help show me the way.  When I finished my first 5k I remember crying with pride.  That was a huge accomplishment for me.  When I finished my first 10k in the time I set for myself, again I was thrilled.   I remember while running that 6.2 miles thinking to myself at mile 5, “How will I ever do 13.1?”  It felt that hard.  But, I did.  I finished two half marathons -granted not in the time I wanted, but I finished.  I went the distance.

All of this showed me I am capable of doing something if I set my mind to it.  I can go the distance.

I needed to prove to myself I can do things that are hard.  I know what its like to cross a finish line.  Those were important lessons for me.  I let the self-doubt voices in my head sometimes talk to loud.  It’s not that I don’t think I am intelligent enough to handle Law School.  I feel confident I most certainly am.  My fear is going the distance.

I have to work during the day.  I don’t want to carry student debt, so I will go to night Law School.  At my age, the dream of working for Google, or some high-fluting fancy establishment that cares what top tier school one goes to is not realistic.  It’s not worth carrying over $100,000 debt to compete with 30 something year old’s who need that high profile position to pay for that kind of student debt.  I am starting too late in the game for that scenario–which is another reason I knew I had to go for it.  Once I hit my 40’s I realized time is not a luxury I have to make everything happen.  I need to act on it, or live with it.  I will regret it if I don’t go for my dream.  I have to try.

I am happy to have the opportunity to attend a school that will qualify me to sit for the California State Bar- pass and then figure out what I want to do when I get to that bridge.  We’ll see when I get there.  For right now I am focusing on one mile at a time…