I haven’t blogged in a while. I haven’t done anything in a while. In the last few years I have filled my life with goals and achievements that were extremely foreign to me. Goals I never would have ever thought I was capable of. In a way I like to think everything I have been doing has lead me to what I am about to do. I am going back to Law School.
Law School is all I have ever wanted to do. It’s a huge undertaking and for one reason or another I haven’t been able to really go after it. In a way it’s probably why I started setting my goals on things that were hard for me to do.. like running a half-marathon. I have been extremely unfulfilled. I haven’t had the mental stimulation or challenging situations in my career life, so I created something to give me that passion for something I was craving.
Running did that. I was so fired up with this goal to focus on I even started a blog! It has given me what I needed to help show me the way. When I finished my first 5k I remember crying with pride. That was a huge accomplishment for me. When I finished my first 10k in the time I set for myself, again I was thrilled. I remember while running that 6.2 miles thinking to myself at mile 5, “How will I ever do 13.1?” It felt that hard. But, I did. I finished two half marathons -granted not in the time I wanted, but I finished. I went the distance.
All of this showed me I am capable of doing something if I set my mind to it. I can go the distance.
I needed to prove to myself I can do things that are hard. I know what its like to cross a finish line. Those were important lessons for me. I let the self-doubt voices in my head sometimes talk to loud. It’s not that I don’t think I am intelligent enough to handle Law School. I feel confident I most certainly am. My fear is going the distance.
I have to work during the day. I don’t want to carry student debt, so I will go to night Law School. At my age, the dream of working for Google, or some high-fluting fancy establishment that cares what top tier school one goes to is not realistic. It’s not worth carrying over $100,000 debt to compete with 30 something year old’s who need that high profile position to pay for that kind of student debt. I am starting too late in the game for that scenario–which is another reason I knew I had to go for it. Once I hit my 40’s I realized time is not a luxury I have to make everything happen. I need to act on it, or live with it. I will regret it if I don’t go for my dream. I have to try.
I am happy to have the opportunity to attend a school that will qualify me to sit for the California State Bar- pass and then figure out what I want to do when I get to that bridge. We’ll see when I get there. For right now I am focusing on one mile at a time…