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This last week hasn’t been my ideal week, although I still managed to stick to about 70% of my training plan.  Where I completely lost it was with food.  I threw all self control out the window.  I am much better at controlling my emotional eating, unless something happens that is completely emotionally overwhelming.  I question myself and my judgement, etc. I resorted back to my old habit of eating crap.  I felt like shit the next day, almost like I poisoned myself.  I am.  Its punishing myself- we all know that is what garbage food does to us.  But, it didn’t stop me.

However, I did manage to get my 6 mile run in last Saturday, ride my bike 9 miles Tuesday and do 6 hill repeats, Swim for an hour Thursday and do an hour of Yoga this morning.  I am running 7 miles tomorrow.  I am also done feeling sorry for myself and letting my emotions take over.  I feel much better.  A week of licking the sugar off my fingers (metaphorically licking my wounds.. ha!) is over.

It’s weird, because again, I have my running goal to carry me through any hard times.  I have so much more self worth now.  I know without a doubt I am not the same person I use to be.  It didn’t take me long to realize I can’t take anyone else’s shit personal.  I have found an inner peace that I know I am strong.  Many times in life I’ve had something happen to me, where I didn’t understand it, or someone let me down tremendously, or a relationship ended and I wished upon a star for a different outcome.  No longer do I do that.  I know things happen the way they are supposed to.  I actually can look back now and THANK MY LUCKY STARS none of those situations happened the way I wished for at the time. Seriously, I am sure everyone can relate to this!

I create situations that force me into change.  I mentioned that before, hence this half marathon.  If I am too afraid to pull the trigger myself, then I think my self-conscious pulls it for me.  I have always said, I welcome change.  Change brings growth.  I need to embrace it.  It’s where I am supposed to be.  If things are suppose to be different they will be, and maybe in the future things will revisit you.  But, eventually, we all need to find our inner strength and value ourselves. Everyone needs to.  We all need to be the best we can be, and do whatever it is we need to do to be that person. So, I created another situation and made another change, however much turbulence that caused, I couldn’t live with it anymore.

So, here I am feeling good, and totally addicted to instagram now.. ha ha!  I get caught up looking at pictures of Ireland, Crete, Bora Bora, Sharks, and of course, running!

I hired my running coach back (not sure if I mentioned that) to guide me.  I do feel much stronger, and everyday (except last week) I am doing something towards this half marathon.

I went to my daughters Pre-School the other day and a mom asked me, “Were you riding your bike yesterday?”  and I said, “Yes, that was me!”  She was really surprised and said she doesn’t know how I manage to have the energy at 6 pm after work and picking up my daughter.  She doesn’t have it.  That was a real nice compliment, because its not always easy to push myself out there when I don’t feel like it.  It does take an effort on my part and a dedication.  But, I have never regretted going.  It might be hard to get out the door, but I have never said to myself, “Damn, I wish I didn’t go and do (insert exercise)”  You Know?  She also asked me if I am sore afterwards.. Ha Ha.. “Uhhh, to be honest I can’t remember a day I haven’t been sore in the last 6 months!”  But, I can tell my body is getting better.  The more I have beat it up and pushed it until it hurts, it heals itself stronger.

This caption at the top of my blog totally describes how I am feeling.  I have come so far!  I use to have to take a nap after running 3 miles.  I would be so wiped out!  I remember blogging earlier… saying, when will I not feel so wiped out after running!  It took me out for the whole day.  Now, after running 5-6 miles I can come home, take a shower and totally carry on the rest of the day.  That is a huge improvement.  When I think of how far I’ve come it inspires me to keep going.  How far will I go?  How come I didn’t realize how exciting this was in my 30’s?

If you’re reading this and ever question yourself about something you’re unsure of.. ask yourself, “How far have I come?”  When you look back from the beginning until right at this moment, I bet you’ll be surprised at how much progress you’ve made.  We need to believe in ourselves and know how capable we are.

I am glad I am me. xo

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